Rudy in Rehab

At some point, Donald Trump will be out of office and Rudy Giuliani will probably be out of a job. His clownish antics are working to keep Trump’s legal fight in the news, which is helping Trump raise oodles of money.

But Rudy isn’t winning, and Trump really hates losing. Rudy is a useful clown right now, but Trump could easily turn on him and blame him for his legal failures.

Where does Rudy go at that point? Isn’t it obvious? To rehab.

How else will Rudy explain fart-y hearings, sweaty, runny hair dye press conferences and all around legal incoherence? He must have been on something. Who knows what drugs he’s been taking, but they will be good ones.

Americans love a rehab turn-around story. “Rudy Recovery” could be a hit.

Giuliani’s Comic Future

What does Rudy Giuliani do for his next job? Really, who would hire the guy who made Donald Trump’s legal strategy a clown show, complete with runny makeup?

Giuliani will try to get a gig as a political commentator, but it won’t last long Never mind that nobody on the right or left takes him seriously. The bigger problem is that he doesn’t televise well anymore. He’s painful to watch.

His only hope is to con some foreign country or organization that doesn’t know better to hire him as a lobbyist. Kind of like Uncle Duke in the Doonesbury comic strip.

A comic role for a clown. How appropriate.

Rudy Takes the (booby) Prize

If there were a prize for the person whose reputation was most damaged by Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani would win. Hands down . . . his pants.

You really can’t make up the stuff he is doing. It’s almost as if it was out of a satirical movie, like Borat. Oh wait.

  • While acting as Donald Trump’s personal lawyer he releases a video falsely claiming Trump won the election. That’s not the bad part. The bad part is that in the middle of his video he switches over to selling cigars.
  • He holds a press conference at the Four Seasons . . . not the hotel – the parking lot of a landscaping company. It was next to an an adult book store, which may have been why . . .
  • At the press conference, he trots out a convicted sex offender as a trusted witness to vote counting irregularities
  • Speaking of sex offenses, he gets caught lying on his bed with his hand down his pants as he chats up an underage girl

All of this is sad enough. But the real tragedy is that Giuliani probably has further to sink.

As Trump would say, sad.

Rudi for Attorney General

Now that the election is over, Donald Trump is cleaning house (again). His first move was to fire Attorney General Jeff Sessions. Trump was upset that Sessions didn’t do enough to protect him personally. He wanted an attorney general that would shield him from any investigations of his misdeeds.

Sessions wouldn’t do this, even after Trump repeatedly insulted him in public and on Twitter. In retrospect, it shouldn’t be surprising that an accused racist would have a thick skin.

There are several candidates to replace Sessions, but Rudi Giuliani should be on Trump’s shortlist. He has the political chops, he’s a former prosecutor and most importantly, he’s a Trump lap dog.

Sure, it would look bad if the lawyer defending Trump in Robert Mueller’s investigation became Mueller’s supervisor. But hey, the election’s over and who cares what people say. Trump certainly doesn’t – he has a thicker skin than Sessions.

Trump Finally Hired The Right Lawyer

Donald Trump has known all along that his best defense against Robert Mueller’s investigation did not have much to do with the law. Yes, Mueller could uncover illegal behavior by Trump and Trump’s attorneys would use the legal system to fight any charges that might result.

However, it wouldn’t matter because early on, Trump understood three things:

  1. He knew that he broke the law in his campaign and business dealings
  2. If Mueller uncovered this (likely) he would build an airtight case against Trump before bringing any charges
  3. Therefore, he was not likely to win in a court of law. His case could only be won in the court of public opinion.

As time went on, the first two points became more and more obvious to Trump’s lawyers and they started to quit or got fired. Trump doubled down on the third point, and hired Rudy Giuliani as his lawyer.

People say that Giuliani is a poor choice because it has been a long time since he was a prosecutor and instead he has spent the last three decades as a lobbyist and politician.

That’s what makes him the perfect choice. He knows how to work the press. He knows how to shape public opinion. The one-two punch of Trump and Giuliani are doing a terrific job of turning the public against Mueller. They figure that if they can turn it far enough, whatever Mueller uncovers won’t matter.

It will be interesting to see if that is really the case or the courts end up with the last word.